POSITION : Mother, Mom, Mama, Ma, Mommy, Momma.

JOB  DESCRIPTION : Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent  work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent  communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable  hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts  on call.  Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive  camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away  cities.  Travel expenses not reimbursed.  Extensive courier duties  also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES: The rest of your  life.  Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone  needs $5.  Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.  Also, must  possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to  60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the  backyard are not someone just crying wolf.  Must be willing to face  stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously  sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.  Must screen phone calls, maintain  calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.  &n bsp;Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all  ages and mental outlooks.  Must be willing to be indispensable one  minute, an embarrassment the next  Must handle assembly and product!  safety testing of ! a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated  devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.   Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end  product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work  throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &  PROMOTION: Virtually none.  Your job is to remain in the same  position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating  your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass  you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required unfortunately.   On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION: Get this!  You pay  them!  Offering frequent raises and bonuses.  A balloon payment is  due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them  become financially independent.  When you die, you give them whatever  is left.  The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you  actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:  While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement,  no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies  limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you  play your cards right! 

Turn Your Child's Artwork Into Unique Gifts & Apparel